Friday, June 22, 2012

Two Years Later

Today, we're going to get a little more personal than usual...

As of today, my father has been dead two years. It's still hard for me to believe. On the one hand, because he had Parkinson's disease for at least 9 years, I got used to the fact that he was going to die and I did a majority of my grieving prior to his actual death. On the other hand, nothing truly prepares you for the death of a loved one.

On this anniversary last year, I was composed and calm, because I had just found out that my friend's own father, who had struggled with Parkinson's disease her entire life, had died. I was strong so that I could be there for her, lending her the support and love she needed.

This year, however, has been a different story. As the day has approached, I've become more and more introspective, remembering things about my father that I hadn't thought about in (what seemed like) forever. When D and I moved in together, I grew teary-eyed as I mourned the fact that my dad will never get to meet the most important person in my life. When I come across a horribly ugly but fitting Garfield t-shirt in my pajama drawer that my dad used to wear practically every weekend, I find myself wistfully smiling and wishing he were still around to wear it, as threadbare as it is. When I hear a really bad joke or see a clever comic, I think of how my father would have appreciated the humor, however distasteful, allowing his face to break out in a huge, slightly lopsided grin as he gave me a joyful thumbs-up.

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that I'm sobbing as I type up this post.

I know that as more time passes, my thoughts and memories will meld into a positive feeling that I can simply attribute to a man that raised me years ago, but right now my feelings are still raw and painful, and I think I miss him more than ever.

I wrote a post on the day he died. You can read it here.

My friend Janessa recently wrote a post about her own thoughts on the second anniversary of her father's death. Read it here.

Daddy with my Japanese sister, her friend, and me (2009)

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