You might think: Geanna, is it really that hard to find the fat that's leftover after melting the cocoa bean and extracting the chocolate?
Yes, yes, it is.
See, friends, cocoa butter is used as a lovely moisturizer for people's skin, making it available in TINY amounts for EXORBITANT prices with extra additives to make it smell nice. However, this is bad for baking 1) because the additives are disgusting and non-edible and 2) it's waaay too expensive to buy the amount that is needed to make anything substantial.
Thus, after multiple store-hopping, I finally came across a reasonably-priced bag produced by the local (fantastic!) company Stirs the Soul and sold at People's Co-op. I trekked (okay, drove) down to the Southeast side of the city and picked some up, along with soy milk powder and Earth Balance buttery sticks. This comprised about half the list of ingredients needed to make some vegan white chocolate.
This story will only get better, I promise! Stay tuned for more...